So here is the deal, I realize I only had a little bit of my sanity remaining, but that little bit has now abandoned me. I know I am gonna seem like a sissy but I have officially lost it. I have lost my mind, I have lost my hope in humanity, and I have lost my common sense. Since December: I had someone very near and dear to me pass away, gained 15 pounds, been laid off, (still woefully unemployed), finally lost my patients with the messy, inconsiderate, dipshits that are my roommates, found a house I could afford, to get away from said roommates, and then had to call my realtor and tell her I couldn't buy it because I got laid off, and my car has been possessed by little electronic imps. I have been having problems sleeping, probably why I am writing this at 4 in the morning, I have a trip to Florida the first week in June for a much needed vacation that I can't afford because my vacation fund is now going to bills.
It has come to the point that I am just drifting. I am waiting for the crap covered cherry to top it all off. I don't know what i am gonna do about work, it seems to be the main problem. I know I can get through this, I have been through a hell of a lot worse and I will be damned if I am gonna let this get the best of me.
The work situation is probably the most depressing. I love the restaurant industry but everyday I spent with the over weight, under educated masses made me more and more cynical. I used to be a people person and now I have no interest in meeting new people. Right now I have the conundrum of looking for a job and not knowing what job to look for. I would like to stay in the restaurant business but there is the problem of how long I can do it. Not many people know this, but I suffer from a genetic disorder. Familial Spastic Paraplegia (FSP) It is hereditary and causes you to slowly go paralyzed from the waist down. By the age of about 40 i will more than likely be in a wheel chair. I have only the beginning signs but there is no way to know how fast it will progress. Even while still able to walk I won't be able to keep up with the fast pace of bartending. Maybe I can be somewhere long enough to get into management , or maybe back of house somewhere. Who knows, I surely don't.
I think I would be able to handle everything better if my grandmother was still here. She was one of the most intelligent women i have ever had the privilege to know in my short life. She helped me so much and I could really use her wisdom right about now. Her birthday is coming up, the 6th of June. I want to do something to commemorate her. I am thinking a new tattoo in her honor. She always loved dragons, she is the one who bought me my first dragon statue and the one who got me interested in them. Hmmm, something to consider.
I apologize for rambling but I am frustrated, sleep deprived, and don't really have anyone to vent to but my boyfriend and he suck at listening. He can't just listen, he has to always put in his two cents and try to give me advice that I don't want. Oh well. That is all for now. I am gonna try and get some sleep.
It has come to the point that I am just drifting. I am waiting for the crap covered cherry to top it all off. I don't know what i am gonna do about work, it seems to be the main problem. I know I can get through this, I have been through a hell of a lot worse and I will be damned if I am gonna let this get the best of me.
The work situation is probably the most depressing. I love the restaurant industry but everyday I spent with the over weight, under educated masses made me more and more cynical. I used to be a people person and now I have no interest in meeting new people. Right now I have the conundrum of looking for a job and not knowing what job to look for. I would like to stay in the restaurant business but there is the problem of how long I can do it. Not many people know this, but I suffer from a genetic disorder. Familial Spastic Paraplegia (FSP) It is hereditary and causes you to slowly go paralyzed from the waist down. By the age of about 40 i will more than likely be in a wheel chair. I have only the beginning signs but there is no way to know how fast it will progress. Even while still able to walk I won't be able to keep up with the fast pace of bartending. Maybe I can be somewhere long enough to get into management , or maybe back of house somewhere. Who knows, I surely don't.
I think I would be able to handle everything better if my grandmother was still here. She was one of the most intelligent women i have ever had the privilege to know in my short life. She helped me so much and I could really use her wisdom right about now. Her birthday is coming up, the 6th of June. I want to do something to commemorate her. I am thinking a new tattoo in her honor. She always loved dragons, she is the one who bought me my first dragon statue and the one who got me interested in them. Hmmm, something to consider.
I apologize for rambling but I am frustrated, sleep deprived, and don't really have anyone to vent to but my boyfriend and he suck at listening. He can't just listen, he has to always put in his two cents and try to give me advice that I don't want. Oh well. That is all for now. I am gonna try and get some sleep.
